He kissed a someone with a penis
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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