he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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