First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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