No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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