am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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