Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
