so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
