Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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