She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
