Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
