I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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