So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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