I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
