he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
