I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
