why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
