Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
