i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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