i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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