glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
