Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
