just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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