I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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