I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
