Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
