Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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