Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
