This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
