I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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