Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
