I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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