You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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