Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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