dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
