i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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