I wish I could teleport
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
