Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize