If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
