My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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