I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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