hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
