so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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