Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
