I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
