I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
