How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize