woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
