U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
