Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
