I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
