Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
