tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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