The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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