Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
