I'm sorry my penis didn't work
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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