Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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