guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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