Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
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he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
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I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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