my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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