Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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