Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
