dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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