Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
