I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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