Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
